John Derek Campbell

As we mature, we quickly learn (usually by experience) that life doesn’t go as planned. You enroll in university, passionate about astronomy and physics (that was me), but then crash and burn. Oof! So what happened?

Well clearly, I just wasn’t mature enough. At least, that’s what I told myself. Or perhaps I told myself that the university I selected was far too challenging. That was okay though, because I could easily get back on my feet in community college, right?

Right?

Ouch. That was a very humbling experience. Not only was it humbling because I had jokingly acquired a t-shirt with the words “Community College” emblazoned on it for my stint in a relatively prestigious university, but I was wearing it at my local community college in 2008 and still failing.

Enter waves of self-criticism, self-doubt, and a growing chip on my shoulder. It was beyond me that, as one passionate about and usually very successful in academics, I was now simply unable to succeed in an academic setting. I had inklings of what was going on, but did I want to admit it? Not yet. I just need to push… right?

No, yet again. What I was dealing with was a journey I was hardly familiar with. Certianly not intimately enough to know how to handle it at least. I was suffering from mental health struggles early in life as the transition into adulthood and being thrown into a near-literal brand new world of responsibilities in a city unknown to me had activated what seemed to be a rollercoaster of unending ups and downs and a brain that began to sound like a broken soundtrack.

I withdrew from community college, extremely humbled, but around the same time I was able to land my first “real job” in IT (excluding Geek Squad). I was brought in as a Help Desk Analyst for a retail chain with a presence in my city. I was taught many valuable lessons over my years there and was even able to be mentored, acquire several certifications, and make some close friends for a time.

It seemed all behind me, until I decided to give community college a second go in 2010. The stressors built, my focus slipped, and my irritability was on display. Oh, how the fuse was short. Indeed, it only took about another year or less before that irritability would boil over for reasons now I have forgotten about and I made the unwise decision to put in my two-week notice thinking the break from it all would allow me to heal.

It wasn’t how I wanted that professional relationship to end, but it was an extremely valuable lesson, and one I continue to remember to this day–though less as a regret and more as a way to understand myself better, know my triggers, and keep finding ways of managing my emotions healthily.

But what was I dealing with? Surely, a doctor had to know. Indeed, just some months prior, I had entered the hospital with severe depression and really an inability to process my mental health on my own. An older psychiatrist gave me a small smile and through his soft voice he gladly helped me understand what it was I was going through:

“You have bipolar disorder. Probably bipolar I. It’s treatable.”

Bipolar!? I thought. Certainly, that couldn’t be right. But it made perfect sense for my symptoms. I reflected then and there on my recent years struggling with these new issues and the ones I hurt in the past due to my illness with my words.

I had a goal: never again. I meant it more that I would never again hurt someone with the way I treated them. I couldn’t guarantee that, but it was my new goal.

Fast forward back to the moment I put in my notice. I had a girlfriend (now my wife over a decade later). I informed her there were likely no opportunities for me in Jackson. Nashville, here I come!

My first job I did a lot of field service work, fixing everything from large office Lexmark multi-function printers, to having to fulfill four-hour service-level agreements with the State of Tennessee after a report of something wrong with a government datacenter server.

It required expeditious troubleshooting, ordering of parts, acquisition from a field service depot, travel, and arrival on site to complete a repair now in crunch time. By far, my most favorite experience was working in the datacenters, both for the State, as well as helping configure the networking for a well-known, international automaker in Middle Tennessee.

I remained there for some years before moving on into various roles, exploring my options on how I wanted to build my career. It wasn’t my first choice, but I was fairly talented in it, nonetheless. This journey would not be without issue, however. In 2015, my illness reared its ugly head again and I took a few days to remedy it and left a contract position early as I would be unable to fulfill my duties.

It pained me, but I would persevere. Not long after, I broke into my career in business intelligence! Just a year prior (2016 to be exact), I had finally graduated from a community college in Gallatin, TN (whew!). It looked like I would be putting more of those skills into use now.

I strutted through the door on the first day, incredibly excited and ready to tackle all thrown my way, but was quickly humbled by the projects laid in front of me. Am I ready for this? Can I actually do this?

I remember my team lead (not actually a business intelligence person, but a junior manager in IT) asking if I had the first day jitters when he took me to lunch. I passed it off as nothing, but he had hit the nail on the head. My friend, this gentleman ended up being a source of relentless encouragement, along with the entire team at the organization, including the Director (or was he a VP, I do not 100% recall now).

Once I was able to put my focus into figuring out the missing pieces, I had some early successes. I got on a kind of “hot seat” with one project, but no one at all was too flustered and I ended up delivering and receiving high praise.

This is not to “toot my own horn”, but to help set an example that this negative self-talk doesn’t have to be reality. The praise from the entire organization boosted my morale and reassured me that I was–at least for now–where I needed to be. With the successful acquisition of my Bachelor of Science toward the end of 2019, I was finally able to accomplish the goal of higher education I had set for myself since at least as far back as early high school. Another breath of relief.

However, enter 2020. It brought its own challenges and, at a different position, I coded myself out of a job. Not only that, but the company started going remote, necessitating adaptation to another brand new world. The company was nice enough to move me to a position as a financial analyst (yikes!) and I was certainly not ready for it. I struggled immensely, was placed on a PIP (a nice little acronym for a “performance improvement plan”), and initially had a sour reaction to that.

However, I survived that PIP. With the consistent help and coaching of my small team, I learned what it was like to serve in a high-stress situation for the C-levels constantly looking at financial numbers and projections. I also learned that I did not yet need to pursue a careeer as a financial analyst anytime soon, so I returned to look for a BI position.

Here I am now, currently still a BI developer, though feeling rather conflicted at times. Remote work is great for the flexibility, but missing out on the in-person rapport with colleagues is a huge thing that I miss. Not to mention, simply getting out of the house and walking more. But, I do value the colleagues and leaders I have.

It isn’t a life that I planned, but it is a life I have as of now. Will it change? Perhaps. Life is full of changes. We’ll see where it takes me.